I've Moved

My blog is now at www.thetexasgypsy.com.

Come check it out!

Speak Now Tour!

One of my students, who is also a huge Taylor Swift fan, told me she was coming to Seoul a few months ago. Fast forward to last night, and Keara and I were there! Not up in the nosebleed section, but down on the floor.

I can't pinpoint exactly what made the concert so great.

Was it because it was at Olympic park?


Was it the excitement?




Was it the cowboy I spotted?

Was it the same cowboy who got creeped out when he saw me take a picture, and moved to the other side of his wife?


Was it the ukulele she played on a small stage in the back?


Or was it the guitar she played on a small stage in the back?


Was it the man sitting next to me singing along and dancing with his purple skull and crossbone pants?


Was it the music?


Was it because Keara was with me?


Was it because Taylor brings cowboys with her on tour?


Was it because of the cute sound guy?


Was it because she walked within 2 feet of us?

I love you! Who are you wearing!? Will you be my best friend?


I'm not sure, but I can tell you one thing:

Taylor Swift is a rock star!

추워

As Taylor Swift says, "this is me swallowing my pride..."

For those that know me back home, you probably know that I hate the Texas heat. I complain. My face turns red easily. I sweat. My hair frizzes even more than usual. I always fight with my Dad about the A/C. Hannah can't ever sit in the front seat when I'm in the car, because she gets too cold.

I always said, "I can't wait for winter!"

However, I've come to realize that there are different definitions of winter.

Texan winter- a mildly cold season ranging anywhere from one week to two months; average highs in the 50s, possibility of snow one day a year resulting in a holiday

I know Texas has had some freaky weather this year. Be glad its freaky and not normal.

Korean winter- the closest one can get to death without actually putting one's self out of misery, ranging anywhere from 3 months to eternity; average highs in the -200s, possibility of sun one day a year resulting in absolutely no snow or ice melting

Even though winter is coming to an end, I still feel as cold as ever. The happiest moment of the day comes when I walk into my apartment, immediately throw on my sweats, and jump under the covers for an hour to thaw out.

Oh how I miss thee
let me count the days

I miss the days flip flops didn't give my feet enough breathing room.

I miss the days of walking around my apartment without socks and a hoodie on.

I miss the days of needing to put ice in my water.

I miss the days my A/C blew 100 degree air for the first 5 minutes.

I miss the days when more than 2% of my body could be exposed to the sun.

I miss the days of wearing flip flops on Christmas.

I miss the days when I could feel my toes.

I miss the days I couldn't sit in my car without putting a towel down to keep my legs from getting 3rd degree burns.

I miss the days when I had to watch out for mosquitos at night.

I miss the days when it was too hot to even go swimming.

I miss the days when I had to change my shirt during the day because I was sweaty.

I miss the days when my nose didn't run...all the time.

I miss the days I would burn the bottoms of my feet when walking to the pool.

I miss the days when ice cream wasn't cold enough.

I miss the days when Uggs were ridiculous.

I miss the days pants simply were not an option.

I miss the days when my shoulders didn't have to be tensed up in order to walk.

I miss the days when the only bumps I had were from dull razors, not geese.

I miss the days when my breath was invisible.

I miss the days of sunburn, rather than windburn.

I miss the days of showering to cool off.

I miss the days when scarves were an accessory, not a necessity.

*Shout out to my 친구, Laurie, for her input with some of these!

"We may or may not get back tonight."

Those were the sweetened words from Laurie's mouth about the cold hard truth.

All I could do was freeze for a second, then proceeded to laugh it off, and order some sweet potato cheese balls and water.

I walked to the counter and placed my order only to find my water in an actual glass cup with red hearts.

"Look at this! Has nobody ever ordered water here before?"

There was a stack of the normal cups, two of which were used for our cokes. They were sitting next to their water machine.

laughing, laughing, laughing, "I just don't understand why they gave me what is clearly an employee's glass."

laughing, laughing, laughing, "We are in Korea, Rachel."

Daegu, Korea to be exact. A few minutes after 3:00am.

"Our sandwiches and french fries were so good. And the nachos and burrito we had tonight."

"OMG that Tex Mex was so good! And don't forget the popcorn we had at the GoGo bar."

"That GoGo bar was so seedy."

"But we still had fun drinking our vodka mangoes. Remember those? Those were so good!"


"Almost as good as the shirts we bought from the same seedy bar! Good idea, Laurie. Now we'll always have something tangible to remind us of tonight."

"I should just say again that we may or may not get back tonight. That in itself might be enough to sear this night into our memories."

It's true. We had, in fact, stumbled across a seedy downstairs bar that was clearly the Daegu U.S. military hot spot. For 2 1/2 hours, we sat at the bar drinking our unlimited vodka mangoes while contemplating life, popcorn, guys, and everything in between. Three things happened at around 1:45am. Every single military guy immediately left to make it back before curfew, every single tiny Korean girl left because the military guys left, and Alex and Jodi left the hip hop club around the corner to come get us.

After purchasing our bright pink GoGo shirts, we hopped in a cab and sped off into the night. Since we were visiting A & J, there was no need to pay attention to the details of navigation. After all, its their city, and we were on vacation.

We arrived at their apartment, but Laurie and I discoverd, after taking a few goofy pictures of ourselves in the shirts, that we weren't sleepy. Not in the least bit.

We were hungry.

And you can't stop two margarita, sangria, and vodka mango filled girls from satisfying a hunger like ours.

Alex and Jodi were already asleep in the other room, so we decided to sneak out. As if A & J are our parents and we are going to meet Victor and Cody (or whoever you would hang out with in your younger sneaking out days).

After creeping down the stairs, ever so loudly, we start walking down the street to hail a cab. But as we walk arm in arm with our "GoGo vinyl" shirts on, we realize A) there's no restaurants anywhere nearby and B) we have no clue where we are.

"Oh! Here's a road sign for a girl's primary school. I'll text it to you, and it'll be saved in my phone. Then when we need to get back, we can just say this school. Easy leasy pemon squeezy."

"Good idea Rach! I think we should walk back the other way though to get a cab in that big intersection on the bridge."

A few minutes later, a cab was pulling over for us. We hopped in, giggly and upbeat as ever.

"Uhhhh, Lotteria?"

"or McDonald's?"

Cab driver: "Lotteria? Ok"....laughing

Cab driver: laughing..."Hungry?"

"Yes, yes! Hungry."

As Laurie and I discuss our insatiable need for french fries, the cab driver is zipping through the light 2am traffic. We arrive at the Lotteria, and he drives off.

Its at this moment I say "Man, I wish he would just wait on us to take us back. That way we won't have to worry about directions."

"We'll be fine. We've got that primary school's name."

We mosey on in, order our generic McDonald's wannabe meals, and proceed to inhale the most delicious food of all time.

It's amazing how time has such an important affect on how food tastes.

Well, that and vodka. and tequelia. and sangria.

After reluctantly leaving the heart covered glass in the restaurant, we leave. Somehow we remember to cross the street to get a cab going back the way we came. We hop in as I'm pulling out my phone.

I read off the romanization of the hangul* for the school.

"Hyeomyeong girls primary school"
Cab driver: "???"
"Uh, Hyaemyeong primary school?"
"Hyomong hakyo?"
Cab driver: "???"

He just starts driving. Its at this moment we realize we seriously may or may not get back tonight.

As we are driving, though, Laurie spots something familiar.

"Oh! There's that big Homeplus! We definitely passed it on the way."

But after a few more blocks, the cab driver stops, asking us which way. He can turn left or go straight.

The vodka quickly retreats from our brains, leaving us with the cold empty shock that comes from being lost at 3am in a city that is not ours.

"rencho?"

After hesitantly telling him to turn left, he confidently flies down the street, leaving us with nothing familiar in sight.

"Hey we're in a school zone. Maybe its Alex or Jodi's school!"

"Yeah maybe. Or maybe its not their school at all. Maybe we aren't even in Daegu anymore. Maybe we accidently told him to turn north and we are headed for Kim Jong-il's house right now."

"Like I said, we may or may not get back tonight."

Then a miracle happened.

"THE BIKE STORE! I've seen that before! RENCHO, RENCHO!!"

"THE DOG STORE!!! We made it! Yogi, yogi!!!"

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we miraculously steered him in the exact location we needed.

There's a lesson in all of this.

Never drink alone. Do it with a friend. It makes for a much more fun night.



*Hangul is the Korean alphabet. A lot of times, when they use the roman alphabet to translate, the sounds don't exactly match up. For example: my town is spelled Seongnam, but its pronounced Songnom. In other words, its pointless.

Also, after proofreading this, I realized that reading THE DOG STORE in Korea might elicit a disturbing image in your mind. This is a pet store, like to get dogs as pets, not snacks.

This is the year that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends...

This will be a quick post. A streaming of thoughts, if you will.

Final exams were December 7-10, 2010.

What has happened since December 10th?

3 weeks of class: one week of which I had none due to going over the exam, another week of which I was on my death bed, and one week of a Christmas game

Then school let out for winter vacation. Ah, but you are on the other side of the world. I need to explain further.

vacation- n. a period of suspension of work, study, or other activity, usually used for rest, recreation, or travel; recess or holiday

vacation in Korea- v. a period of suspension of rest, recreation or travel, usually used for extra studying at academies, winter English camp, or group study in a freezing classroom

Remember when I said that final exams were December 7-10th?
Well, today is February 7, 2011, which clearly means that kids should come back to school for one week.

This is not the first week of the new school year. This is the last week of the school year. The one with the final exams on December 7th.

"What the hell is going to happen this week?" you might ask.

Today is Monday. The first day back after over 6 weeks of no public school classes. So naturally, students have end of year exams. These won't count for anything due to the the final exams already being taken and recorded.

The next three days, class is as usual. By usual I mean kids will not listen and be stir crazy due to the fact that they literally have no reason to pay attention. And by usual, I mean I will be teaching another holiday lesson, because the book only has enough information to fill approximately 2 weeks out of a school year.

Friday is Graduation day. This means the principal and a few 3rd grade students will go into the video room and have their ceremony, while other students sit in the classroom and watch it on TV. Then kids will stay until sometime after 4:30 (my ass is out the door after that), studying in freezing classrooms.

Go Birke!

For the second time, I promise this blog won't turn into a food blog. I saw this video via Facebook, and knew right away I had to share it. Strive to be like Birke!

What's in your kitchen?

I promise this blog is not going to turn into a food blog, or even have a food section. Its just that last night, I happened to actually cook. Thus, it needed to be documented. And today at lunch, I was so tired that I drank a cup of coffee. Thus, its 11:30pm and I'm wide awake. and bored. Yes, its weird that I'm awake at 11:30 ok? I know you are cool and go to bed at this time every night, but like I've always told my mom, I'm a 40 year old trapped in a 23 year old's body. (Sorry to all the 40 year olds I may have offended...and kudos to you if you still stay up late!)

Anyways, I got to thinking...maybe some of you wonder sometimes, "What does Rachel's kitchen look like? What kind of things does she buy from the grocery store over there? Can she buy the same food she does at home?" Well, for all 2 of you, I'm about to scratch that itch!


Starting from the back, we have some unhealthy cooking oil. This was bought my first week here when I was too terrified and exhausted to even search for good oil in the grocery store. Next we have soy sauce. This was bought at the same time, when I thought that since I'm in Asia, I should eat soy sauce. But you know what? I don't really like soy sauce. Since having realized that, the bottle is now purely decorative. The next two are EVOO and balsamic vinegar. I like to call these my lifelines. Next to the end is red pepper paste. I mix this with rice or sometimes eggs. And saving the best for last is my pepper grinder. Its not just any pepper grinder though. No sir-ee. Do you want one like this? Well you can't buy it! My Grandpa handmade this. BAZINGA.


If you turn around to face my island, you can see all of my morning and late night goodies. Oatmeal (thanks parentals!), yummy cereal, bananas, kiwis, oranges, and apples, a healthy attempt at chocolate, and coffee. Oh yeah, and a cute bread shaped cutting board. I bet you can't guess who made that for me too.

Cereal is a lot more expensive than in the U.S. That box cost $7! Most people eat rice and kimchi for breakfast. No lie.
Oatmeal is almost nonexistent. I can order some online, but its not the same as back home and its more expensive.
While some fruit is a little more expensive than back home, I don't even blink an eye before buying it without moderation. Fruit is just that awesome. Isn't that right Uncle Homer?


In the cupboard we have peanut butter, rice, and...wait what is that? POPCORN!
That small jar of peanut butter was about $5.50, but I don't care. If I go too long without peanut butter toast, I start to go a little crazy. Popcorn is not that hard to come by, but you get one choice and its only sold in the individual packages. Each bag costs about 80 cents. Before, I thought that only the Daiso (dollar store) in Suwon sold popcorn, so I would stock up when I stayed with Laurie. But I was wandering down the imported foods aisle at my grocery store this week and spotted the beautiful blue and yellow colors at the very bottom corner of the shelf. I quickly jumped down with joy to grab some!

It goes without saying that the rice is cheap.


Soy milk, sliced jalepenos (for my huevos), mini gherkins (I bought these tonight!), and some caffe latte drink a student gave me. Unless any of my friends want it, it will remain there for the duration of my stay in Korea.


Don't worry, this is the last picture. Damn this was longer than I expected.
From top to bottom, left to right we have salsa (courtesy of Costco and Rosalyn), prunes (In case you didn't know, I love fruit.), and my agua. No plastic bottles in this fridge!
And on the bottom shelf we have sliced carrots, some left overs from last night's gourmet meal, sesame leaves, and eggs. And do you see the open drawer at the bottom? And do you see that brown bag? Well, if you put your xray vision glasses on real quick, you can see that inside that brown bag is a plastic bag. And inside that plastic bag is a locked tupperware. And inside that tupperware is kimchi.

And, finally, a math lesson to finish this up.
Kimchi + a sealed tupperware container + a sealed plastic bag + a brown bag + a closed drawer = a still smelly fridge.

Good night.

Watch Out Rachael Ray

My co teachers often ask me if I ever cook at home. I tell them no, because I normally don't go any further than scrambled eggs. However, I got a little fancy this evening.

Step One: Gather kimchi (courtesy of my Korean savior), eggs, and sesame leaves.


Step Two: Dump the rice and carrots into the hot tub until they are steamy and completely relaxed.


Step Three: Saute the kimchi, rice and carrots, and eggs.


Step Four: Voila! The sesame leaves are perfect for making little kimchi rice and egg wraps.


Step Five: Enjoy the meal in bed under the warm covers while watching Friends.

Step Six: Dessert. Let's see, what do I have....

Winter Break

Since real school let out for winter break at the end of December, my days have been mostly peaceful and a little boring.

My favorite 1st grade class on our last day. They are my favorite in spite of the girls who simply must hide their faces in all pictures. They are lucky their boy classmates make up for that.

It wasn't always boring and peaceful though. I had two weeks of winter English camp. One week for each grade. I was excited for the 1st graders, as they aren't too cool for school just yet. Those 15 campers were fun, behaved, and all had high levels of English. But for some reason, on the last day the boys decided to surprise me and "act a fool". Nonetheless, I called that week a success.


Lovely well behaved girls on the last day of camp, playing the game correctly.


Demon boys on the last day of camp, drawing grotesque pictures inbetween their wrestling matches, since having miraculously finished the game 30 minutes before the other two groups.

The next week was the 2nd grade winter camp. I was not looking forward to this, since the 2nd graders during normal school are in that "I'm too cool and smart to listen to you, and even though I love pop music, I'm going to look bored out of my mind when you spend a whole class listening to my favorite songs" phase. Eunji even said she felt sorry for me, because she had to do summer camp and the 2nd graders were horrible. Thanks Eunji.

However, the spell I attempted must have worked. There were only 7 that came every day. They were all well behaved, laughed at my dumb jokes, and got my sarcasm. Hell, even a couple of them coul throw something back every now and then! Rachel Teacher was impressed. But nothing compares to their taste in music. While doing "work sheets" and "English" winter crafts, I would ask them what they wanted to listen to.

Muse!
Green Day!

Hell. to. the. yes.

Me: "Do you know 30 Seconds to Mars?"
Paul: "Yes, play their songs!"
Me: "Do you know Jet?"
Students: "No. Will you play their songs still?"
Me: "Hell to the yes!" (On second thought, I probably just said yes.)

While winter camp is over, I still have a parents' class twice a week. Apart from the blind date setter-upper (see my George Bush has Charisma post for more info), the moms are fun to talk to and very smart. We have talked about things like North Korea, where their parents were during the Korean war, Korean versus American schools, food, traveling, and their stories from when they lived overseas. One mom even told me about her mom's living in Hiroshima and evacuating right before the bomb was dropped.

One mom works for a marketing company.
One mom used to work in finance at a multi-national company.
One mom used to be a news anchor!

And they all love to talk. So basically, I sit there for one hour and listen to them talk to each other in English and occasionally ask them questions and answer theirs. Its pretty sweet.

Side story: The Georgey Bushey lady wanted to take us all out for noodles after class on Thursday, so we took two cars to get there. As we pulled up to the restaurant, I noticed there was no available parking spots. There was, however, some orange cones out front to keep cars off the sidewalk in front of the doors.

So what does Miss Georgey Bushey do? Gets out and moves the cones, so the two cars can just pull right up to the door.

Korea, you never cease to surprise me.

Anyway, when I'm not working for those 2 hours a week, I'm deskwarming. This term has many meanings for native teachers. Some meanings are:
-watching movies
-reading
-thinking about lesson planning, then surfing the internet
-chatting on Facebook and Gmail
-irresponsibly shopping online (Mom and Dad- there will be a package delivered soon)
-thinking about lesson planning, then watching TV online
-2 hour lunch breaks, nap included
-And for poor Laurie teacher, it means double duty winter camp this week. :(


It also means cleaning out and organizing one's desk for the first time since arriving in Korea.



I wonder how long this will last once school starts again. And by "this", I also mean the quiet hall ways, small classes of good students, and the silence of the deafening bell.

Public Nudity

I can't believe I almost forgot to post this. I guess since I told my parents all about it, it escaped the "this must go into the blog" file. I feel that this is the most cultural experience I've had in Korea. And also one of the coolest.

A couple of weeks ago, I went to my first jimjilbang. I met my friend, Keara, and we had lunch first. She had been there many times, so it was nice to have somebody there who knew the ropes. We walk in and pay our 7,000 won. The lady gives us a towel and our shorts and t-shirt. First, we put our shoes in a locker. Then we give the shoe key to a different lady, and she gives us another key for our clothes locker. This is the part where I felt a little weird. Here in a big open locker room, you strip down. After getting over my initial "oh my god im walking around naked in front of all these Korean women and Keara" moment, we make our way into the public baths area. You are required to shower first before doing anything, so we head over to the only shower head not being used.

Before I go any further, let me paint a little picture.

Its a big square room with tile floors. Along one of the walls are the shower heads. There's also bath stations throughout the room where women sit on plastic stools and wash themselves. Another wall is filled with massage tables covered with naked ladies being scrubbed down by the workers. The back wall is home to a wet steam room and a dry steam room. The remaining wall has a cold water bath, a freakin' cold water bath, and a tepid water bath. In the middle of the room are the heated baths. Oh and there's also an area with heated stone floors to lay down on. Naked.

And it wouldn't be Korea without sinks for brushing your teeth.

So after I shower, I go into the dry steam room first. Its pretty crowded, so I'm forced to stand for a minute or two until somebody gets up. I then take their place, setting my towel on the bench before sitting down. I'm not going to pretend my eyes weren't wandering around. After all, its not everyday you get to see what Korean ladies' bodies really look like. I was surprised at all the flab. Of course there were a few of the typical Asian beauties, but the majority had pretty average bodies.

After a few minutes, my lungs felt properly saturated in steamy humid goodness. I got up and went over to the heated stone floor. You lay down on your back, naked of course, and just relax. I did cover myself with my towel, since it wasn't going to be used for anything else. A Korean lady was lying next to me, and Keara walked over for a minute. As she was walking away, the Korean lady threw her head up to watch her walk away. I guess Koreans are as curious as I was.

Picture this sans clothes and Star Wars towel-do

After my back was hurting from lying in one position, I decided I wasn't ready for the lying on my side with my ass hanging out yet. So, Keara and I tried out the warm baths in the middle. She then wanted to try out the cold baths, and for some reason, I went with her. I could only get in up to my stomach, and I quickly got out to jump back into the warm bath.

During all this, I observed. Old ladies are walking around careful not to step on their boobs, and little kids are running around without a care in the world. But the sweetest thing I saw were the moms washing their kids. It almost felt like we were in ancient Rome. And it may sound gross, but it was so clean. Everywhere you look, you see women exfoliating in the shower, lathering on the soap, and brushing their teeth.

Its interesting to think about from a cultural standpoint. Here you've got a typical conservative Asian country, where tank tops and flip flops are frowned upon. Yet, you walk into a jimjilbang and women are completely comfortable in their own skin with no inhibitions about being naked in front of their friends and strangers.

America, however, seems to be the opposite. Women can get away with wearing practically anything (nothing, rather), but get us into a locker room and eveybody's reaching for the towel from behind the shower curtain.

But there's more to a jimjilbang than public nudity. We walk out of the baths, and put on our matching pink shorts and shirt. After walking down a long hallway, we reach the co-ed part. There's little cubbies filled with Koreans napping, reading, eating, and talking. There's all kinds of different heated rooms to sit in. For instance, a salt room, charcoal room, lavendar room, etc.


They also have massage chairs (1,000 won for 10 minutes), which we took full advantage of.

Again, old people walk around, little kids run around and play. It's like an indoor central park. There's even a snack bar and restaurant!

I can say with full certainty that won't be my last trip to the jimjilbang. I feel clean and relaxed just writing about it.

My Kind of Babysitting

This past weekend, my friend, Rosalyn, went snowboarding. This meant I got to watch her sweet dog for two days!



Lucy enjoyed the view, and I enjoyed having a dog to play with. Alright, alright, and have deep conversations with. I love having conversations with animals. Dogs always agree with everything I say.

Anyways, I took her with me on my run. She was a good running buddy when there weren't any birds around. She just had one flaw: she gave me a "you idiot, what'd you do that for?" look when I slipped on the ice.

The rest of the day was spent like this.

...followed by a few hours of this.

George Bush has charisma, and Obama is an adulterer.

One of the parents I teach asked me to go to dinner with her tonight to practice her English. When she asked me, she specifically said, just you and me. This lady is very spastic, intense, and just a lot to handle. But, she's also very nice and sweet, and who are we kidding? I'm not one to turn down a free meal.

So, I got home from school, did pilates, threw on a shirt, put my hair in a messy bun, threw on my sneakers, and walked to the restaurant. Whatever, just get this dinner/English practice over with, so I can be warm in my PJs.

She walks to the door to meet me, and takes me to our table. As I'm putting my things down, I realize there's two guys sitting at the table RIGHT next to us. They are looking at us like they know her or something. One of them is really really really cute too.

"Rachel, this is my nephew and my son!"

Oh shit.

I immediately see the cute sweater hanging in my closet, the stylish black boots next to my door, and my hair straightener and brush just lying by the bathroom sink.

Luckily, my mind wakes back up in time to meet Max, the Korean with the heavy Australian accent from Melbourne who will graduate with an Accounting degree next year. And her son, who I've taught for four months, but have no recognition of who he is. Don't judge- I see 750 students each week. Still, it would have been nice if he were one of the few kids whose face and name I do know.

Her English level is low, but she is asking me all kinds of questions about myself. Questions like: Do you like sports? Max likes sports. I've heard Koreans like to fix people up and set up blind dates and such. I just didn't realize they would do it without asking you first. But, don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining. I kept waiting for the moment she would put food in her mouth, so Max and I could talk. After all, its not everyday you get to speak to a Korean who is fluent in English, has an Australian accent, weighs more than 100 lbs, likes Harry Potter, and gets sarcasm. And has an Australian accent.

Ugh, but then Korea and its common questions had to go and rain on my parade.

She asked me how old I was.

"23 in America, but 24 in Korea." (FYI-technically I'm 25 in Korea now, since its after January 1st. Everybody turns a year older after the new year. However, I refuse to say I'm 25.)

I then asked Max how old he was.

Smiling, he says "I'm 19 in Australia."

Fuck wank bugger shitting arse head and hole.

Anyways....Grace then says "You from Texas Austin! Georgey Bushey from Texas Austin!"

Me: "Yes, he is, unfortunately."

Grace: "I love Georgey Bushey! You don't like Bushey? Why?"

Me: "I don't think he was a good president. Why do you like him?"

Grace: "Oh, he has charisma!"

She then tells me she has a dog, and wanna know what her dog's name is?
Georgey Bushey.

Grace:"Do you like Obama?"

Me: "Yes, I do."

Grace: "He cheat on his wife. She is crazy and angry!"

Me: "Obama? Why do you think this is true?"

Grace: "It is in the internet! Go searchey in internet. It is there."

Oh well, at least I got a free meal with a side of ear candy.